Sailor Ranmoon Vol. 1
by ContraBardus
Summary: A parody of all those Ranma becomes a Sailor Scout fics out there. A must read, hilarious.


Quite possibly the funniest thing I've written since 'The Three Magic Knights.'  
Continuation of this depends on feedback. It's also the first time I've written a SM fic. I'm using the Manga for this and not the show, but it doesn't really matter much since almost only two SM characters actually appear in it. Read on my friends...  
  
Sailor Ranmoon.  
  
Part 1  
  
A moon star is born!  
  
This story diverts just after the events in Ranma 1/2 volume 6. Soun and Genma were successful in sending Happosai to the North Pole. It starts just after volume nine.  
  
  
Happosai struggled through the icy wind as he crawled across the frozen desert that stretched out before him. His chi was severely weakened after those two cowards took advantage of his weakened state after Ranma had used the woman repellant on him. Now here he was, at the North Pole. The boy looked for a moment like he might have stopped the two men from boxing him up and mailing him off, but in the end he simply turned away with a disgusted look on his face.   
Now here he was, nothing but snow in every direction, well snow and that weird light...  
  
  
Happosai entered the small cave and glanced around, it wasn't much warmer, but it was still warmer than the outside. In front of him was a large pool of some sort. He blinked, as a misty image seemed to appear out of nowhere in front of him. "So, you have returned. After all this time..."  
  
"Huh?" said the old pervert after a moment. He blinked and looked around in confusion.  
  
  
Nerima Ward, Tokyo...  
  
Ranma Saotome was having a bad day. He expected to enjoy a little peace and quiet after riding himself of that strange old pervert who had appeared a week ago, but things just didn't seem to work out that way.  
  
"Ranma! Why haven't you left for school yet!?" screamed Genma as he punched the boy in the back of his head.  
  
"Because you took too long in our sparing session this morning Pop!" retorted the angry boy as he grabbed his bag.  
  
"Now Ranma, you shouldn't blame your father for training you harder when you need it," said Soun sagely as he shuffled the pages of his newspaper. The headline was about Sailor V nabbing some criminals in a robbery.   
  
Akane snorted and grabbed his arm roughly pulling him with her through the door. "Come on idiot! We're late!"  
  
  
  
The pair rushed through the streets as fast as they could. Ranma ran beside Akane for once along the ground; not by choice though, she was dragging him down the sidewalk by his arm forcing him to hurry. His fiancée turned and gave him an angry glare.   
  
"This is all your fault you know."  
  
"My fault? It was Pop who made us late!" retorted the boy.  
  
"You and those stupid baths! You could have gone to school as a girl you know, it's not like everyone doesn't already know about the stupid curse," snapped the girl.  
  
Ranma froze up and started to shake in her grip slowing the pair up for a moment.  
  
"What's the matter with you?" snapped Akane angrily. She stumbled a moment later as her foot hit something soft on the ground in front of her. She paused and released her fiancée.  
  
"What the?" she stopped and saw a small black cat in the middle of the road with a footprint in it's back. "Oh no! The poor kitty!"  
  
The animal stood up shakily and Akane took it into her arms. She paused and noticed it staring at Ranma. Ignoring this she blinked and noticed the bandages on its forehead.  
  
Ranma did not fail to notice where the attention of the animal was, his courage finally gave out and he turned away running at top speed towards the school. Akane sighed and looked at the cat. "That dope, afraid of a little kitty cat."   
  
The animal looked at her for a moment and turned its attention back to the disappearing speck that was Ranma Saotome.  
  
Akane smiled cutely at the cat and pulled the bandage off of its head. "There, all better! Sorry I can't stay, but I'm already late." She turned and broke into a run again following her fiancé down the street. "Ranma you jerk! Get back here!"  
  
The cat sat alone in the street with a strangely contemplative look on its face.  
  
  
Ranma walked into the classroom after his teacher released him from bucket duty in the hall. Moments later the bell rang ending the first period. He sat down at his desk and sighed. Two of his friends walked up next to him, Hiroshi and Daisuke.  
  
"Hey Ranma, how'd you do on that quiz?" said Hiroshi as he took the seat next to him.  
  
The boy blinked and pulled out a paper with a thirty on it. "Not so good, what do I need this stupid math junk for?"  
  
"I donno, I got a fifty though," said Daisuke as he looked at his own paper.  
  
"Ha! I'm smarter than both of you! Fifty five!" cried Hiroshi in triumph as he held out his own paper.  
  
"Idiots," muttered one of the girls in a group nearby. The others nodded in agreement.   
  
"At least Ranma's got looks," said another one as she turned to Akane.  
  
The shorthaired girl glared at her fiancée and snorted. "I'm gonna pound him later for being so stupid."  
  
The conversation between the three boys quickly degraded.   
  
"Man that Sailor V is supposed to be a babe!" cried Hiroshi.  
  
"I heard that too, but she can't be as much of a babe as Ranma!" agreed Daisuke.  
  
"Hey!" snapped the pigtailed martial artist.  
  
"Sorry Ranma, but everyone knows you're the cutest girl in school," said Daisuke in agreement. "Still that Sailor V is mysterious! She's supposed to have super powers!"  
  
Ranma snorted in disgust at this. "I don't see what the big deal is, I could take her... and I'm a guy damn it!" he promptly hit both boys in the head.  
  
"That hurt you know," said Daisuke.  
  
"Good," retorted the pigtailed boy.  
  
"Hey Ranma, you want to go for some Ramen after school?" said Hiroshi as he almost completely forgot about the pain in his head after a moment.  
  
"Sure," said Ranma with a snort.  
  
  
  
A short time later...  
  
  
"Aiya! Airen!" squealed Shampoo as the three boys sat around the table at the Cat Café.  
  
"Hey Shampoo! Three specials!" said the pigtailed boy cheerfully.  
  
"Yeah, and one for each of us too," agreed Hiroshi and Daisuke.  
  
The girl nodded and went into the kitchen. Moments later she returned with three steaming bowls of noodles.  
  
"I hear we got another test coming up," said Hiroshi with a small frown appearing on his face.  
  
"Yeah, another math test," agreed Daisuke as he slurped at his noodles.  
  
"Whatever, I don't need no stupid math anyway," muttered Ranma as he crossed his arms over his chest and looked away.  
  
"You need to study more Ranma, school is important," said Daisuke with a small snort.  
  
"Yeah? What do I need it for?" replied Ranma as he finished his third bowl of Ramen.  
  
"Uhh...umm...I donno, but my dad says it's important," said Hiroshi. He looked towards his companion with a questioning glance.  
  
"Don't look at me! My dad says the same thing, but he's never explained it to me either!"  
  
"Whatever, I'm going home," said Ranma as he stood up from his chair and tossed the balled up test over his shoulder.  
  
"Hey! Do I look like a trash can to you?" snapped a voice from behind them.  
  
Ranma turned to see Mousse holding the test in his hand glaring at a nearby chair angrily.  
  
"You're standing in front of one dope, I wouldn't have hit you if you weren't," replied the pigtailed boy.  
  
"Saotome! Damn you! You'll die for this offence!" Mousse moved to attack, but pulled open the page first and looked at it. "BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA! Who could have known you were this stupid Saotome!"  
  
Ranma growled and kicked him in the face before storming off angrily. "Stupid jerk!"  
  
  
  
Meanwhile...  
  
  
Akane stood in front of the window of a jewelry store staring in the window with her two friends, Yuka and Sayuri.  
  
"Wow, Yuka! You never told me your mom had a jewelry store!" cried Akane as she turned to her friend.  
  
The girl beamed proudly and looked a little embarrassed at the same time. Her mother was outside with a bullhorn crying about a big sale.  
  
"She's like a used car salesman," commented Sayuri.  
  
"She's not usually like this, but it sure is working," agreed Yuka with a small nod.  
  
Akane turned and saw a small black animal moving through the streets nearby. "Hey, it's that cat from earlier today! It looks like it's looking for something."  
  
The animal looked at her and turned away into an alley.  
  
Akane turned and looked at the engagement rings, not that she was interested mind you. They were just pretty.  
  
  
  
That evening...  
  
A lone figure stood outside of a familiar jewelry store. He paused for a moment and peered into the glass windows of a dress shop that sat next door. After a moment he smiled to himself and stepped into the shadows with the rustle of a cape being the only sound he made.  
  
  
  
"Wahahahaha! I've sapped plenty of energy!" said Yuka's mother as she fondled a glass tube that glowed in the darkness. All around town young girls suddenly felt very faint. "Selling this special gem was brilliant with its energy sapping powers. Now I'll just grab this real jewelry!"   
  
The woman collected the wares of the store into a bag and glanced around in slight frustration. "Hmm, I can't find the most important thing of all!"  
  
Yuka peered into the room in confusion from the doorway. "Mom? What are you still doing up?"  
  
The woman slowly turned her head revealing two long sharp fangs.  
  
  
  
Ranma Saotome sat with a math book in his lap scratching his head. A huge furry ball of black and white snored lazily beside him. "Aw man, who needs this math junk?" He pulled his hand away from his head suddenly as he ran across the newly acquired bump. "Stupid Akane, makin me study like this." He tossed the book aside and lay down on his futon. "I learned enough for tonight, I'm goin to sleep." His mind failed to mention the fact that he had not actually read the book, but merely grumbled and complained about being forced to study.  
  
  
  
Within moments he was asleep and dreaming. He blinked and looked around at the dream. He was currently female and dressed in a sailor fuku style uniform with an extremely short skirt. He blushed and brushed off the skirt idly. "Oh man, not another of these dreams. I only tried it one time in the bathroom and now I..." The presence of the huge monster in front of him told him that it was indeed not another one of those dreams. He easily cut the beast in half and smiled to himself in slight relief.  
  
  
At that moment he woke up screaming in pain. "Ouch! What the..." He froze in place at what he saw, a small black cat with an empty bucket of water next to it was staring at him. He was also a girl at the moment.  
  
"C...c...cat!" Ranma backed into the wall of the room leaving a small crater in her wake. The panda snored lazily undisturbed by the commotion.  
  
"Now, now, there is nothing to be afraid of..." started the animal as it moved closer. "I won't..."  
  
It paused and watched in shock as the red haired girl promptly ran up the wall and attached herself to the ceiling.  
  
"I see..." The cat did a back flip and something landed on the ground. "Put this on, or I'll come back and find you." With that said it jumped out the window and waited on the edge of the roof. "Hurry up now!"  
  
Ranma nodded and jumped down. She picked up a small headset and blinked in surprise. The cat nodded and backed further away causing Ranma to relax a little. She put the headset on and turned to see the animal had disappeared.   
  
"Now, you're going to listen to me or I'll have to come back and explain all this to you in person!" said the voice from the earpiece.  
  
"Who are you? What do you want?" said the pigtailed girl nervously.  
  
"My name is Luna, and I've been searching for you! I couldn't figure out why I was drawn to you until I saw that angry girl try to drown you in the koi pond earlier."  
  
Ranma promptly lay back down on his futon and closed his eyes tightly. "This is a nightmare! Yeah! A nightmare!" he said to himself.  
  
"It isn't a dream! Look on the floor next to you!" said the voice calmly.  
  
Ranma turned his head and saw a small brooch lying on the floor. "S'not my style."  
  
"Just put it on! It's important!" snapped Luna.  
  
"No way! Things like that are for girls!" retorted Ranma.  
  
"If you don't I'll come back and put it on myself! Just wear it, it doesn't matter where!"  
  
Ranma quickly picked up the brooch and put it on the inside of his shirt.  
  
"Good! Haven't you noticed all the strange events lately? On the news and in the papers? Unsolved crimes?"  
  
"I don't care about junk like that," said Ranma. Somehow he managed to make it sound cocky and ignorant at the same time.  
  
"Well you should! You see, you are the chosen warrior! It's our mission Ranma! You must find your team and defeat the enemy! Then we search for our queen and..."  
  
Ranma blinked in surprise for a moment. "What do you need to find Tsubasa for?"  
  
"Who?" said the cat in surprise. Hoping beyond hope that Ranma had already located the lost queen.  
  
"Tsubasa, he always dresses like a girl..."  
  
"Not that kind of queen! Pay attention!"  
  
"Whatever! Find some other chosen warrior!" snapped Ranma bitterly.  
  
"There is no one else! It has to be you!" retorted the animal with a hint of frustration in its voice.  
  
"Look, I've got enough problems!"  
  
"Just do as I say or I'll come back and talk with you about it personally!" Ranma froze up at these words and nodded dumbly. "Now yell out moon!"  
  
Ranma blinked and shrugged his shoulders. "Moon..." His voice seemed to go on without him. "...prism power make-up!"  
He was bathed in a golden light as the transformation overtook him. A moment later he was standing in the room next to a snoring panda dressed like he was in his dream.  
  
"I knew it! Akane was right! I'm being punished for that one perverted thing I did!"  
  
"What are you talking about?" said the cat.  
  
Ranma blushed and looked around in embarrassment. "Uh, it's nothing..."  
  
The pigtailed girl gasped in shock as an image appeared inside the lenses of the mask she wore on her face. "Hey! That's Akane's friend!"   
  
The young girl was being strangled by a weird looking monster in a dress.   
  
"Help!" she cried desperately as she tried to push the thing back.  
  
"I've got to help her!" said Ranma with a dangerous tone to her voice. "I'll just go change..."  
  
"There's no time for that! Come on!" cried Luna.  
  
  
Yuka struggled for air as the thing laughed at her. "I'm not your mother girl! She's tied up in the basement!"  
  
"No! Mommy!" gasped the girl.  
  
From the shadows a familiar figure stood watching. He was dressed in a tuxedo and top hat.  
  
"Get your hands off her now!" cried a new voice in the room. The thing turned to see Ranma staring her down in the doorway.  
  
"Who are you?" said the thing.  
  
"I'm Ran..." she was cut off by Luna's voice from the headset.  
  
"No! You idiot! Don't give your real name! Tell him you're Sailor Moon! Defender of love and justice!"  
  
"Moon," finished the boy with a grimace on his face.  
  
"Ranmoon? I've never heard of anything named Ranmoon before," snorted the thing as it turned its attention away from the young girl. "Wake up my slaves! Give your energy to the omnipotent!"  
  
A large group of girls appeared in the doorway and surrounded Ranma. They attacked with various objects, like broken bottles and anything else that was on hand. Ranma dodged easily and charged towards the hag. "You jerk!"  
  
The thing shrieked in surprise and jumped back. "You're no ordinary girl!"  
  
"Now Ranma! Use your tiara! Call out Frisbee!" cried Luna.  
  
Ranma ignored her. "Who are you callin a girl!? Katsutenshin Amaguriken!"  
  
The evil creature was pounded by hundreds of punches and flew across the room into a wall. She screamed in pain and crumbled to dust in front of Ranma.  
  
"Or you could just do that..." said Luna with a large sweat drop appearing on her head.  
  
"Serves her right," snorted Ranma. She spun around as she felt a presence near her.  
  
A man with long dark hair, clad in a top hat and tuxedo jumped away into the night. He turned towards Yuka and smiled at her. "Well Sailor Moon, I didn't find the Silver Imperium Crystal here; but I enjoyed the show!"  
  
"What is that idiot doing here?" muttered Ranma to herself as she recognized him instantly.   
  
"My name is Tuxedo Mousse! I won't forget you Sailor Ranmoon!" With that said he vanished.  
  
"Dope," grumbled Ranma, the girls around her started to wake up and she simply walked out the door into the street.  
  
  
  
Meanwhile, in a dark secluded place...  
  
A familiar figure stood watching from a strange red crystal. He gave a fanged grin and snorted. "Sailor Ranmoon? Not bad at all. Looks like I must hurry up and find this stupid crystal."   
  
  
The next day...  
  
  
"And then Sailor V's partner saved me!" cried Yuka dramatically. "If I hadn't passed out I would have seen her face."  
  
Akane smiled at her friend. "I still think you were dreaming."  
  
"Could be, but this Sailor Ranmoon sounds like a real woman!" agreed Sayuri.  
  
"Yeah, I bet she's cool. I wish I could have seen her too," said Akane with a sigh.  
  
  
  
Ranma almost bit his chopsticks in half at the conversation he was hearing from the girls. "A real woman?" He hung his head and almost cried.  
  
"Wow, that tempura Kasumi made must be pretty good if you're crying over it Ranma," commented Daisuke.  
  
  
  
Sailor Ranmoon  
  
Part 2  
  
Sailor Mercury...  
  
  
In a cold dark palace somewhere near the north pole, Happosai sat on a throne of black metal and smiled as Ryoga stood before him with an angry looking snarl on his face.  
  
"So, you still haven't found the Silver Imperium Crystal?" said the old man coldly.  
  
"Don't order me around! I only agreed to help you because you got rid of my curse!" snapped the lost boy.  
  
"And I can give it back," said the old man as he touched a small jar that rested beside his chair.  
  
Ryoga took a step back and lowered his head slightly in submission.  
  
"That pretty, but somewhat scary, woman has asked us to find the Silver Imperium Crystal so she can be freed from her terrible curse!" said Happosai with a small chuckle. He had a lecherous look to his eyes and burned with over dramatic passion.  
  
"I'll find your stupid rock, just make sure you keep that curse locked up like we agreed," snapped Ryoga as he turned towards the exit; actually it was the coatroom, but he corrected himself and went into the kitchen instead.  
  
Happosai jumped onto the arm of the chair and called out after him when he finally found the right door a half-hour later. "Bring me back some panties also!"  
  
The lost boy turned his head slightly and gave a reluctant nod. Bringing back that bag of underwear after the last attempt was the only thing that stopped him from becoming cursed again. "I won't forgive you Sailor Ranmoon!"  
  
  
"Ranma, what is that stupid looking thing in your ear?" said Akane Tendo as she looked up at her fiancé.  
  
Ranma was walking along the fence with an embarrassed look on his face. He was still wearing the weird looking microphone in his ear. He turned to look at her. "Cat repellent."  
  
Akane blinked and scowled at him. "Dope."  
  
  
  
"Ranma! Take that ridiculous thing off!" said Genma as he charged at his son.  
  
The boy took to the air; he jumped over the man and kicked him in the back sending him to the ground. "I ain't takin it off old man! If I do that thing will come back!"  
  
Soun looked up from his paper. "Thing?"  
  
"Ranma said something about a talking cat monster," said the youngest Tendo.  
  
"A monster? Son, is this true?" Genma got a bold look on his face as he stood with tears in his eyes.  
  
"Uh, yeah," muttered the boy.  
  
"Oh, my own son! Sealing away a cat demon! I am so proud!" Genma clenched his fist in front of him. "Ranma! Your mother can't deny that isn't manly!" he thought to himself. Now all that remained was to get rid of the curse.  
  
"How honorable of you! Why I'm so proud I'll allow you to marry my daughter!" said Soun with tear filled eyes.  
  
"An excellent idea Tendo!" agreed Genma.  
  
Moments later both men met Akane's patented 'Mallet of Doom.'  
  
The Saotome boy blinked and turned away in disgust. "Morons."  
  
  
  
Ranma sat in his room and sighed. He knew it was coming.  
  
"Ranma!"  
  
"What is it Luna?" snapped the boy bitterly.  
  
"I could have just given you a communications watch if you had just asked."  
  
Ranma pounded his head on the floor with tears in his eyes.  
  
"Stop complaining! We still have a lot to teach you before more enemies attack!" snapped the animal.  
  
Ranma stopped beating his head on the ground and looked up with an arrogant snort. "You...teach me? I can handle those stupid monsters without your help thanks; and I don't need that dumb costume to do it!"  
  
"They'll only get stronger Ranma! You'll need the powers very soon!" snapped the cat.  
  
"Hey! What the heck are these things anyway?" Ranma just realized he had no idea.  
  
Luna sighed and hung her head. "They're not human."  
  
"Well duh."   
  
"Pay attention. These things are evil Ranma, things that shouldn't exist on our world!"  
  
"And you need me to save the world is that it?" Ranma's face did not look like he thought of this as a good thing.  
  
"Well, yes. We do need to find your team mates, and the princess also."  
  
"Just what I need, another stupid fiancée," grumbled the boy to himself.  
  
Luna sighed and turned off the connection. She would leave Ranma his communications watch while he slept. Her mind was in other places at the moment. "I think I've found the second scout."  
  
  
Ranma stood watching Akane play a video game. Her two friends had dragged her along after school. Daisuke and Hiroshi were with him playing nearby. He wandered around the machines aimlessly.  
  
His fiancée was enjoying a new game that featured the super heroin Sailor V. She wasn't doing very well, but was mostly distracted by the conversation with her friends.  
  
"A new class?" Akane looked at her schedule and frowned. "Computer literacy?"   
  
"Sounds like fun Akane," cried Yuka cheerfully.  
  
"It starts tomorrow, I'll see you there," agreed Sayuri.  
  
The two girls walked off and Akane turned away from the game forgetting about it completely. A moment later the machine made a strange noise and two pens popped out of a small slot at the base. "Hey! I won a prize!"  
  
Ranma walked over to her. "Hey, you finished yet?"  
  
She looked at him in surprise and turned away. "Yeah, what about your friends?"  
  
"I don't get this place, but they seem all right. I guess it's just not my thing." He shrugged his shoulders and walked with her out the door.  
  
"Here, you can have this pen I won," said Akane absently.  
  
"Why would I want such a girly lookin pen Akane? Jeez you're uncute," snapped the boy before he had time to think.  
  
Moments later he walked down the sidewalk alone with a pen wedged sideways inside his mouth. "Strupd Akne."  
  
  
  
About halfway through the next school day Akane sat at a desk with a computer in front of her inside the Furinkan High Audio Video Room. She looked at the strange clear disk and frowned as she put it in the computer. "Hey it won't go in!" She repeatedly attempted to shove the offending object in sideways and backward.  
  
"Akane dear, it goes in like this," said the teacher as she corrected the girl.  
  
"Uh, thanks Sensei," muttered the girl with a blush.  
  
  
"Ranma, I'm picking up something weird Ranma." The pigtailed boy cocked his head as his watch came to life. Every head in the room turned towards him and he froze in place. "Uh, forgot to turn off the alarm."  
  
"Daisuke what's with Ranma?"  
  
"Got me, he's just weird."  
  
"Any idea why he's sneaking out the window?"  
  
"I dunno, but if I knew tying a scarf over your head that way really worked I'd have tried it about halfway through English class today."  
  
  
  
Ranma felt something crunch under his feet and stopped. "What the?" Under his foot was a small clear disk, it was relatively undamaged and he picked it up. "What is this stupid looking thing?" With a shrug he tossed it over his shoulder.  
  
"OW! Ranma Saotome, how dare you attack me with this...this...what the heck is this?" Mousse turned the offending object over in his hands several times.  
  
"I dunno, maybe the old ghoul would tell us?" Ranma started to turn away.  
  
"I am not a trash can Saotome, if I didn't have to make this delivery right now I'd teach you about respect!" the Chinese boy wandered off in a random direction. He tossed the disk over his shoulder and Ranma caught it in his hands.  
  
Luna appeared out of the bushes. "Let me see that disk!"  
  
Ranma turned and looked at her.  
  
  
Akane Tendo glared at the smoking remains of her computer as she hefted the mallet over her shoulder. "I told you there isn't an 'any key' damn it!" She paused and looked around the room. "What the heck is going on here?"   
  
The teacher turned around slowly and looked at the disruptive student. Everyone else in the class was sleeping soundly, completely drained of energy. This girl was different; she was stronger, and too stupid to boot up the disk.  
  
Akane backed slowly away when she saw the teacher's face. It was cruel and cold, with fangs and a new grayish skin color. "Ru-ru-Ranma!!" she cried in shock.  
  
  
"GYAAAAAAAAAAHHH!" said Ranma as she burst through the wall. Outside the sprinkler system was watering the school lawn.  
  
"Ranma calm down! I'm gone now!" cried Luna from the watch.  
  
The girl paused and looked around in confusion. "Where the...hey, it's one o' them demon things."  
  
"Ranma you have to transform now!" cried Luna.  
  
"You've come to foil my plot! Die!" the teacher thing threw a large stack of papers at Ranma and they flew at an amazing speed towards her. The thing paused though when the new girl's hands blurred and another neat stack of papers appeared next to her.  
  
"Ok, what else you got?" snorted the pigtailed girl.  
  
"Will you transform damn it!?" snapped Luna.  
  
"No way you're getting me into that outfit again!" cried Ranma angrily.  
  
"If you don't I'll have to come help you!" replied the cat.  
  
"MoonPrismPowerMakeup!" said the girl. Moments later she was bathed in a familiar light. She looked up after the transformation and gasped at what she saw.  
  
  
  
Akane Tendo picked herself up off the floor; somehow the wall had exploded and she was buried underneath the rubble. When she woke up something had her in a chokehold. The thing that used to be her teacher pulled her closer.  
  
  
  
Ranma stood silently and put her fingers in her ears.  
  
"Don't just stand there Ranma, go help your friend!" cried the cat in shocked surprise.  
  
"WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR DOING?" Snapped the youngest Tendo.  
  
"My body! It's becoming...warmer?" The youma loosened its grip as Akane's battle aura burned around her.  
  
Akane shifted her weight and threw the thing over her shoulder. Almost as a reflex she pulled the pen out of her pocket and raised it over her head. "Mercury Power!" The entire room dropped several degrees in temperature very quickly as a fog filled the air around them.  
  
The youma was pulling itself out of the impact crater and shook its head groggily. "What happened?" It turned it's head and stared at the two sailor senshi in front of it.  
  
"Son of a..." It's cursing was conveniently cut off by the arrival of someone else.  
  
"Ranma Saotome! I always knew you were a demon! Now I can at last free my beautiful Shampoo from your evil grasp!"   
  
The youma found itself wrapped in various chains and pointy objects. It was becoming very nervous.  
  
"That's not Ranma Saotome you dope!" snapped Ranma.  
  
"Oh, still...umm. You can do it Sailor Ranmoon!" with that the tuxedo clad boy left the room.  
  
"Idiot!" snorted the pigtailed girl.  
  
Akane was far from finished with the thing though. "How dare you try and brainwash me!" She landed a kick on the creature's head that crushed its skull. The creature crumbled to dust and withered away.  
  
Ranma turned towards the new scout and blinked. "Akane, you're Sailor Mercury?"  
  
The girl looked at Ranma and smiled broadly. "Sailor Ranmoon? Wow! I've wanted to meet you! I'm your biggest fan!"  
  
"Uh, Akane..."  
  
The shorthaired girl blinked and looked down at herself. "I'm a sailor scout?" She stepped forward and stopped again, her eyes suddenly growing wide. "RANMA?"  
  
"Uh, hi Akane..." said the redhead.  
  
"How dare you trick me like that! I thought you really were Sailor Ranmoon! You jerk!" She slammed her mallet down on her head sending her to the ground.  
  
"Ahem, actually she really is Sailor Moon," said Luna as she walked up to the pair. Ranma was out cold on the ground.  
  
"Ranma?" said the girl as she looked down at her fiancée.  
  
"Unn-nncut-ee..."  
  
Luna ignored him and turned towards Akane. "You are the water warrior, using fog you protect Mercury! Sailor Mercury!"  
  
"Water warrior? Fog?!! What kind of stupid powers are those?" snapped Akane.  
  
"We're doomed," snorted Ranma as she woke up and put a good distance between herself and Luna. She was also hiding behind a desk. "She swims like a brick, how's she gonna be the 'water warrior?"  
  
"Ranma! Die!" with that Sailor Moon and Sailor Mercury ran off into the sunset. With Sailor Mercury hefting various heavy objects at her fiancée.  
  
Luna watched the scene in shock. "This is going to be more difficult than I thought."  
  
  
  
Sailor Ranmoon  
  
Part 3  
  
Mars Attacks!  
  
  
  
Happosai stood in the center of a room with a crystal ball in the center. He stared at Ryoga and frowned. "You have failed, but you did get a good batch of panties. I guess I could give you another chance."  
  
"Thanks a bunch," growled Ryoga halfheartedly.   
  
"Huh, your soldiers are lame," said a new voice. The lost boy turned his head and glared at the man who stood in front of him. He was Chinese, with short cut hair and an earring. He was also dressed in the same gray uniform as he was.  
  
"Pansuto Nephrite!" chimed Happosai. "What are you doing here?"  
  
"Pansuto?! You old freak! You promised you'd change my name if I did this for you! Don't go back on your word!" snapped the man angrily.  
  
"Calm down Pansuto Nephrite. He did change your name," said a new voice from the shadows. A man wearing a tiger skin draped over his body appeared and smiled at the pair.  
  
"He knows damn well that isn't what I meant!" retorted the angry boy.  
  
Happosai's eyes glowed red suddenly. "You'll get your name changed when I have what I want! Bring me the Silver Imperium Crystal!"  
  
The three dark generals became silent at that.   
  
Ryoga frowned and looked up at the old man. "What the heck is this stupid crystal anyway?"  
  
Happosai looked towards the sky as rays of light suddenly surrounded him. Tears of joy were forming in his eyes. "Why, it's the most beautiful frilly pair of undergarments in existence. Worn by only the most beautiful women in the world. To see them would bring the most wonderful feeling of..."  
  
Pansuto Nephrite stood upright with a look of total rage on his face. "Underwear? You've got us searching the planet for underwear?!!"  
  
"This is most unamusing," commented the man in the tiger skin cloak.  
  
"Old man..." growled Ryoga as he cracked his knuckles.  
  
Happosai looked confused for a moment and then suddenly remembered something. "Oh, never mind. I'm thinking of Excali-pair. The Silver Imperium Crystal is just a source of infinite energy. They're almost the same thing really."  
  
The three generals face faulted and fell to the ground. After a moment Ryoga stands up and walks away.  
  
"I'm leaving now."  
  
"Hurry back! And don't forget my undies!" called Happosai.  
  
  
  
Kodachi Kuno stood outside her home greeting the day with a smile. A small band of children waited at the corner just outside the Kuno grounds for their bus.  
  
"What is this? Retched whelps! Be gone! How dare you defile the house of Kuno with your presence!?" she glared at them and they scattered away. "Disgusting imps."  
  
A bus pulled up next to her and opened the doors. She turned and glared at the driver inside. "Be gone! No little beasts wait for you here!"  
  
Ryoga blinked and stared at her in shock. "Uh, actually...I'm looking for Sendai Hill. I'm late for my rounds there. Could you give me directions?"  
  
Kodachi blinked and stared at the roughly handsome young driver. "A pity he is not in higher standing like my darling Ranma. I might have been interested if he was," she thought. Then something hit her.  
"Fool! Sendai Hill is in Juban! This is Nerima!"  
  
Ryoga looked at her and sighed. "Thank you." With that he closed the doors of the city bus and drove away.  
  
  
  
Ranma sat back in his chair at school and frowned. Nearby a group of girls was gossiping about some sort of phantom bus.  
  
"They say that if you take the six o'clock bus at Sendai Hill you never come back!" exclaimed one girl.  
  
"They also say it's never there on time," agreed another one.  
  
"I heard that once, a girl waited three days for that bus."  
  
"That's crazy, the six o'clock bus isn't the only bus that stops there!" cried another girl.  
  
"Yeah, but she had to be at the next stop by seven. Any of the other buses would have made her late!" said the girl in defense.  
  
"Oh, I guess that makes sense then."  
  
Ranma rolled his eyes and turned his attention to the front of the room as the teacher walked in. It should also be noted that that was the only time his attention was on her for the rest of the day.  
  
"Why do I gotta go to that stupid arcade again? I hate video games," grumbled Ranma.  
  
"Good, because we aren't there to play them! It's a strategy meeting!" said Luna from Ranma's watch. A long thin wire ran from the side of his watch to his ear.  
  
  
  
"I can't believe it! We're really Sailor Scouts, we've got special powers!" said Akane excitedly.  
  
"I don't need no stupid powers, and I don't need that stupid outfit!" grumbled Ranma bitterly.  
  
"Stop complaining! Just pay attention!" snapped Luna from the communications watch. The two girls were sitting in a back corner of the arcade with no one around.  
  
Akane spoke up after a moment of thought. "Luna, who is the enemy? What exactly are we supposed to do?""  
  
The cat sighed, "We need to protect the princess, and the Silver Imperium Crystal."  
  
"I don't think there is no princess," muttered Ranma bitterly.  
  
"Shut up you jerk!" snapped Akane as she threw a napkin holder into his face.  
  
"What's a Silver Imperium Crystal Luna?"  
  
"Uh, did I just hear something crash?" said the cat nervously.  
  
"No, nothing at all," said Akane.  
  
Ranma was laying on the floor twitching with the napkin dispenser stuck in his face.  
  
  
  
A few minutes later both teens emerged from the Arcade. Ranma's danger senses kicked in immediately.   
  
"Ranma darling! There you are! Ho ho ho ho ho ho!" The pigtailed boy froze up in terror for a moment before running away from the terrible voice.  
  
"Ranma! How dare you run off with Kodachi that way!" screamed Akane as the leotard clad girl bounced by twirling her ribbon in the air behind her.  
  
  
  
Meanwhile...  
  
"Your plan is stupid pig," commented Pansuto as he stood on a stairwell and glared at Ryoga.  
  
"You shut up! It's working isn't it?" snapped the lost boy.  
  
"You've only got three people to drain in three months? That's not what I call results!" snapped Nephrite.  
  
"I told you! They keep getting off the bus on the way here. It's like every single one of their stops is on the way here!" retorted the lost boy.  
  
"Maybe, if you didn't stop and let them off the bus when they pull the chain this wouldn't happen dolt. You're supposed to be evil remember?" snapped Nephrite with a smirk.  
  
"Shut up," grumbled Ryoga with a blush. "Maybe I just didn't think about that alright?"  
  
  
  
Female Ranma sat on the bus drenched from the rain outside. "Man, I'm glad I had bus fare." She shook her hair out and sighed. It was a short ride to the Tendo dojo and she just didn't feel like walking back. The girls had chased her halfway to Tombuki before she managed to lose Kodachi.  
  
"Ranma, who was that girl? Is she with the enemy?" said Luna from the wristwatch.  
  
"Probably," grumbled Ranma. It was easy for her to see Kodachi as a youma. "Look, I doubt it Luna."  
  
"What? Did you say something?" said a familiar voice.  
  
Ranma turned and noticed Mousse sitting next to her with an umbrella on his lap. "Who are you talking too duck boy?"  
  
The blind martial artist currently had his glasses off and was talking to the pole that sat in the center of the bus.  
  
"Saotome? What the heck are you doing here?" he growled.  
  
"Got caught in the rain, how 'bout you?" said the pigtailed girl with a sigh.  
  
"The same," he admitted.  
  
"Hey, he don't look quite so stupid without his glasses. The jerk," thought Ranma with a look of surprise crossing his features as he noticed the boy remove his thick lenses and clean them on his shirt.  
  
Mousse paused and a look of shock crossed his features. "Defender of love and justice..." he mumbled.  
  
Ranma noticed the old woman across from them grow uncomfortable with Mousse's staring at her.  
  
Ranma snorted. "Don't mind him ma'am, he's blind as a bat with his glasses on, much less off."  
  
She looked slightly relieved and blinked when Mousse grabbed the center pole and tried to choke it. "How dare you say that Saotome!"  
  
Ranma sighed and walked off the bus as it reached her stop leaving him alone with the old woman and a scattered few passengers.  
  
He paused when a chill ran down his spine. He turned to see Kodachi get on the bus behind him. "What the?"   
  
  
  
"How disgusting, reduced to traveling on a public vehicle!" snorted Kodachi as she stuffed a large Yen bill into the slot and brushed by the driver in disgust. "Retched weather."  
  
Ryoga Hibiki smiled as he closed the doors on the bus and drove away.  
  
  
Ranma shrugged his shoulders and turned away. "Since when did pig boy get a job? As a bus driver? That's a little weird." He started to walk away when the watch screeched to life.  
  
"Ranma, the bus driver! He's one of the enemy!"   
  
"Huh? Ryoga? You're kidding me."  
  
"No he's not Ranma! He must have been brainwashed!" exclaimed Akane's voice from the tiny speaker. "Poor Ryoga! We have to save him!"  
  
  
  
"Hurry up peasant driver! I must return home post haste!" snapped Kodachi from her seat directly behind Ryoga.  
  
The lost boy was gripping the steering wheel so tightly that the circle now resembled a distorted crescent. "That does it, screw going back to the Dark Kingdom! I'm gonna drain her now!"  
  
He was so angry that he never noticed himself actually make a correct turn and vanish into a porthole.  
  
  
  
Ranma rushed up to catch the bus at just the right time. He paused for a moment as he clung to the back and blinked. "This is my chance to be rid of Kodachi for good!" He let his grip falter for a moment.  
  
"Don't worry Sailor Ranmoon! I'll help you!" cried a familiar voice.  
  
Ranma found himself tied to the back of the bus by a large number of chains and ropes. She looked back and saw Mousse standing in front of the vanishing porthole with a look of surprise on his face. He was holding a plant in his hands that was wrapped in a few ropes and was shaking it vigorously.   
  
"Speak to me! I knew it I was too late!"  
  
"Dope," muttered Ranma. Deep down he knew he wouldn't have left Kodachi behind anyway.  
  
  
  
Inside the bus Ryoga was crackling with energy as Kodachi continued to fuss. "Why are we not there yet peasant? Is this mode of transportation faster than walking! Where it not for this incessant weather I would not be in this ridiculous position!"  
  
He slowly turned and looked at her.  
  
  
  
Akane looked at the cat and gasped. "She's on the phantom bus!"  
  
"Thank goodness I gave her the remote! Quickly, pull out the computer so we can track her!"  
  
Akane blinked and looked at the animal.  
  
  
Ranma found herself in the middle of a strange looking castle. She looked around and was surprised to find Ryoga stepping off the bus with Kodachi draped over his shoulder. The lost boy snorted in disgust as the girl groaned slightly, she had a large lump on the top of her head.  
  
"Hey! P-chan! What are you doin here?" cried Ranma cheerfully.  
  
Ryoga whirled around in shock and his jaw dropped like a rock. "Ranma! What are you doing here?"  
  
"I dunno, I was on the bus a minute ago..." lied the pigtailed girl. "You should have told me you wanted to go out with Kodachi. I would have put in a good word for you!" Ranma smiled.  
  
Ryoga merely smirked. "Because of you...I HAVE SEEN HELL!" He dropped Kodachi on the ground and charged.  
  
Ranma gasped at the speed that the lost boy moved. "No way he's this fast!" She took a hard punch to the gut and flew across the room. After slamming into the wall he struggled to her feet. Ryoga appeared in front of her and smiled.  
  
"Surprised? By joining the Dark Kingdom I've gotten new powers! You'll never beat me now Ranma. No amount of training can match my power now!"  
  
The pigtailed martial artist realized that she was outmatched easily. She hadn't even seen Ryoga move other than a quick blur of motion. "Damn." She staggered on her feet as pain exploded in her belly. "Gotten stronger too. No choice then..."  
  
Ryoga stepped back with a surprised look on his face as Ranma looked up at him with an angry scowl. "What are you doing?"  
  
"Moon Prism Power Makeup!"  
  
The eternal lost boy found himself thrown back by the force of the blast the pigtailed girl emitted when she transformed. He managed to stay on his feet and stared in shock at what stood before him. "Ranma...you're...Sailor Ranmoon?"  
  
"Yeah, and I'm gonna kick your butt porky," replied the girl.  
  
"BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA!" Ryoga started rolling on the floor.  
  
He stood up when a hard kick to his gut caught his attention. "What did you do that for?"  
  
Kodachi Kuno stood in front of him with an angry glare in her eyes. "Peasant! How dare you do such a thing to a noble such as myself!"  
  
Ryoga blinked and looked at her. A strange symbol appeared on her forehead. It looked like the symbol for 'male'.  
  
Kodachi began to glow as the pen in her right front pocket started to glow. Her clothes vanished in a prerecorded transformation shot and she pointed at the lost boy. "I shall punish you!" A whip of flames appeared in her hands and she slashed at him sending him scurrying off into the shadows of the strange palace. She looked at herself and found she was dressed in a sailor fuku style uniform with a pair of high heel shoes on. "Humph, red is not my color."  
  
Ranma gaped in shock. "Oh no! It can't be! Anyone but her! Where the heck did you get that pen from?"  
  
Kodachi noticed the other girl in the room and snorted. "I won it playing this quaint video game the other day. Sailor something or other. It was quite boring so I left."   
  
"You can 't be a Sailor Scout!" cried Ranma in terror.  
  
"It appears I am, oh well." Kodachi didn't seem all that interested in her newfound power. "Wait a moment, I know you! You're that pigtailed harlot! You've come to take away my Ranma haven't you!" A fire whip appeared in her hands.  
  
"Uh oh," said the pigtailed girl.  
  
  
"Hurry up! We'll lose them!" cried Luna.  
  
"I'm working on it!" cried Akane as she worked desperately on the keyboard. She looked at Luna. "Do I want to see if we have any E-mail?"  
  
"You're not supposed to be looking at E-mail!" cried the cat. She looked over the girls shoulder and blinked. "This computer doesn't even have 'Windows95'! How the hell did that get there?"  
  
In the bushes Bill Gates giggled madly to himself as he scurried away.  
  
In front of Akane a porthole opened dumping Ranma, three girls, and one insanely laughing Kodachi Kuno. Ranma jumped away from the flame whip and screamed. "Get away you psycho!"  
  
"What did you do?" said Luna as she looked at Akane.   
  
The girl looked at her and shrugged. "Nothing."  
  
Ryoga Hibiki's charred and smoking head poked out of the hole. "And stay out!" It closed up behind him.  
  
  
  
Nephrite smiled as Ryoga walked into the room. "Well, looks like you failed huh?"  
  
The lost boy shrugged his shoulders and threw his uniform down at Happosai's feet. "You can give me back my curse if you want. I quit." He spun around on his heels and walked out of the room.  
  
Happosai blinked and shrugged his shoulders. He opened the bottle containing the curse he had drained from Ryoga and turned back to the crystal. "Oh well. Pantsuto, it's your turn."  
  
"I told you to call me Nephrite old freak!" retorted the man angrily.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Sailor Ranmoon  
  
Part 4  
  
Moussequerade.  
  
  
  
Ranma Saotome walked out of the Tendo home lazily. It was late afternoon and his stomach was leading the way. He turned to his companion and looked at her quizzically. "Ramen?"  
  
Akane stopped for a minute and sighed. "I guess we can go to the Cat Café and see Shampoo and Cologne for a little while."  
  
"I'm just glad that cat hasn't bothered us in a while," commented the pigtailed boy with a relived look on his face.  
  
"Well, it's not like we get attacked by monsters everyday Ranma," replied his fiancée coolly.  
  
  
  
Shampoo was gazing longingly into the pages of the paper when they walked into the door.   
  
"Hey Shampoo, what's up?" said Ranma cheerfully.  
  
"Aiya! Is Airen!" squealed the violet haired waitress as she bounded over to him and grabbed his neck.  
  
"Hey! Cut it out!" snapped the boy nervously.  
  
"I knew it! You just wanted to come here and grab Shampoo!" snapped Akane as she punched him across the room.  
  
"Violent girl get good distance, almost hit wall," said the Amazon girl as she watched him sail across the room.   
  
"What are you looking at Shampoo?" said Akane as she noticed the girl's interest in the paper.  
  
"Is big story, Tuxedo Mousse gallant and brave man who doing very heroic thing," said the girl in reply.  
  
"Tuxedo Mousse?"   
  
"Yes, is said he is strong fighter, very handsome too!" squealed the girl as she hugged the page to her chest.   
  
"So I've heard," commented the shorthaired girl dryly.   
  
Mousse was cleaning tables nearby and ignoring the girlish conversation. Shampoo had the look that most teen girls have on their faces when talking about a hot, young, male movie star or singer. "Maybe he come steal Shampoo away from Ranma?"  
  
Akane giggled slightly at the thought of it and turned to see her fiancée was standing next to Cologne.  
  
"Are you jealous Son in Law?"  
  
"Huh? Why? I could take that Tuxedo Mousse guy any day of the week," replied the pigtailed boy indignantly.   
  
Shampoo sighed, "Is true, Ranma very strong! Tuxedo Mousse mysterious and handsome though."  
  
"Whatever," snorted the boy in reply.  
  
"Saotome, you've come to steal my Shampoo away from me haven't you!" snapped Mousse as he noticed his rival was in the vicinity.   
  
"Calm down Duck boy, we just came to eat," replied the boy.  
  
Akane sighed as Cologne hit Mousse in the head with a pail of water. "Get back to work Mr. Part time. We don't have time for such foolishness today!"  
  
"Stupid Mousse," commented Shampoo as she walked by with a pair of menus for the two teens.  
  
Mousse quacked and waddled off into the kitchen in search of hot water dragging his clothes behind him.  
  
Cologne looked over her Great Granddaughter's shoulder and snorted. "What is the world coming to today? All these masked vigilantes appearing all of a sudden." She whirled around on her staff not noticing the three teens become very uncomfortable for a moment.  
  
"Ranma, you think Tuxedo Mousse is handsome?" asked Shampoo.  
  
"That flaky jerk?" replied the boy. All of a sudden he felt very cold and looked around the room. Every girl in the room save Akane and Shampoo was giving him an icy stare. Even Shampoo looked slightly annoyed.   
  
"Maybe he come steal Shampoo away from you, yes?"  
  
Ranma crossed his arms and looked away. "Not likely, I can only hope."  
  
Cologne watched the exchange carefully. "If this is played out right...It could be the reversal jewel all over again. With the ball landing on our side this time." She hopped away smiling to herself as the pair sat down to eat.  
  
  
  
Akane picked up another section of the paper and handed it to Ranma. "Is this what father was talking about?"  
  
The pigtailed boy blinked and looked at the page. "Yeah, some stupid ball. We got to go and protect some princess and her treasure while they are in town."  
  
"I wonder how he managed to pull that off?" wondered Akane.  
  
"Your Pop seems to know somebody that works for the royal family in that country. Something about meeting them on the training voyage. I don't remember exactly what he said because he was crying the whole time."  
  
"D Land?" I've never heard of that place.  
  
"Not surprising, they are a small country that supports itself with its rich diamond mines. I've dealt with them before while in China," said Cologne as she hopped over to them.  
  
"I'll have to protect that treasure from Pop more than any thieves that might show," commented Ranma lazily.  
  
"That wouldn't surprise me," agreed Cologne. "Be cautious Son in Law, these monsters seem to be attacking precious gems for some reason. You may have your hands full tonight."  
  
"Nothin I can't handle," boasted the pigtailed boy.  
  
"We'll see," said Cologne as she hopped away again.  
  
  
  
In the shadows Mousse stood listening into the conversation. "D Land's treasure? Could it be the Silver Imperium Crystal I've been searching for?"  
  
  
Meanwhile, in the exact opposite corner Luna sat listening in as well. "D Land, the treasure and the Princess? Could she be the one we're looking for?"  
  
  
  
A short time later, at a familiar arcade...  
  
  
"How dull, why must I be a Sailor Scout? It's true that it is a position worthy of a Kuno, but I have things to attend!" said Kodachi snobbishly as Ranma in his female form and Akane sat across from her at a small table near the back of the room.  
  
"Hey, who is this stupid princess anyway?" said Ranma as she leaned back in her chair.  
  
"I was kind of wondering that myself," agreed Akane.   
  
"Who are you? Tell me how it is that you can order a member of the noble Kuno clan about?" snapped Kodachi.  
  
Luna sighed from the other end of the watch radios. "I can't tell you yet. You wouldn't believe me."  
  
"She don't know either," commented Ranma.  
  
"I could come and tell you," said the cat in reply.  
  
"Heh! No that's all right," retorted the pigtailed girl nervously.  
  
"It's the enemy that worries me, I don't know who they are or why they are here," said Luna absently.  
  
"Hey! I thought we were supposed to fight these stupid things!" snapped Ranma.  
  
"No! You were chosen to protect the princess! That is your mission," said the animal sharply.  
  
"Where the heck is she? I'll protect her on my own then," snapped the pigtailed girl.  
  
Akane glared at him angrily for a moment and Ranma simply looked back in confusion.  
  
"What did I say?"  
  
Moments later Akane's fist was planted in his face. "Dope."  
  
"We have to find her, the reason we can't is because she was kind of sealed away," said Luna.  
  
"What for?" asked Ranma.  
  
"Probably because she has the crystal with her, the Silver Imperium Crystal is a source of unbelievable power. We can't let the enemy get their hands on it."  
  
"Just leave that to me," said Ranma with a smirk.  
  
"I wish that I could, but you don't have your full scout powers yet. We have to find the other members of the team in order to complete them. Then the princess will become unsealed."  
  
"Complete? How do we do that?" asked Akane.  
  
"It will come from your memory."  
  
"Memory! Vile creature! How dare you say that the great Kodachi Kuno might forget something! My memory is perfect! Why, I remember the first time my Ranma held me in his arms, the first time he kissed me, even the first time we..." About this time she started blushing demurely and looking away in shame. "Isn't that right Pigtailed Harlot?"  
  
"What is she talking about?" snapped Akane as she shoved her fist into the redhead's face.  
  
"False memories! She can't even remember my name, much less something like that!" retorted the girl.  
  
  
  
  
Genma Saotome sat in his room holding a photo of a young girl with glasses almost as thick as Mousse's. "Ranma, tonight the Saotome legacy will be secure! I'm sorry Tendo, but I cannot pass up this opportunity. Ranma will leave that party as royalty!" He stood tall and allowed his aura to burn around him brightly.   
  
Within seconds Soun was standing at his side. A dark shadow crossed his face. "Saotome, what are you doing in here with that picture?"  
  
"W-why Tendo! I was just memorizing the princesses face so that we might protect her better!"  
  
"That sounds like a good idea!" agreed the man cheerfully. "Here, let me hold onto that for you..."  
  
  
  
Pantyhose Nephrite stood impatiently as Happosai stared into his crystal ball with a very serious look on his face.  
  
"Well old man?"  
  
"Just a minute hold your horses!" snapped the short man as he continued to stare.   
  
Pantyhoes blinked and walked up to the crystal peering over his shoulder. Happosai was humming to himself and muttering to the image in the smooth surface.  
  
"That's it girls! Lift those legs! One, two, one, two!"  
  
"You're supposed to be looking for the crystal! Not watching aerobics!" snarled the man as he grabbed the little old man by the top of his head.  
  
"Hold your horses! It's over now anyway!" He waved his hands over the clear surface again and another image appeared. It was a young girl with remarkably thick glasses. "Here, this could be it. D Land treasure or something. Go check it out and leave me alone."  
  
  
  
Akane sighed as she watched the three men stand proudly in front of the door.   
  
"Well, see ya later Akane," commented Ranma.  
  
"Do behave yourselves girls!" agreed Soun a little too dramatically.  
  
"Come on boy," said Genma as he pulled on his son's shirt.  
  
"You do realize that this is going to be some party," said Nabiki from her seat at the table.  
  
"I wonder if Ranma will hurt uncle Saotome too badly when he tries to steal the treasure?" said Kasumi sweetly.  
  
"That dope, he'll probably make a mess out of the whole thing. It's a wonder people keep hiring them to do things like this," commented Akane.  
  
  
  
At the party Ranma stood in the middle of the crowd dressed in his normal Chinese clothes and frowned. "I hate stupid junk like this."  
  
Nearby Soun and Genma stood near the doors with serious expressions on their faces. They were both dressed in dogi.  
  
"Relax son, just enjoy the party. I doubt anything will happen," comforted Soun.  
  
"Great, now I know everything's gonna go to hell," muttered the pigtailed boy. At that exact moment a woman walked by and bumped her arm against him sending a spray of champagne into his face and shirt.  
  
"Oh! I'm sorry young lady! I didn't see you!"  
  
"See," muttered Ranma under her breath. She turned to walk away from the crowd and found herself swept up in a familiar pair of arms.  
  
"May I have this dance?"   
  
Ranma froze for a moment and then sent Mousse to the floor with several pronounced lumps on his head.  
  
"What the heck are you doing you jerk?"  
  
"Saotome? What are you doing here?" said the blind boy in shock as he shook a nearby turkey he had picked up off the buffet.   
  
"You dope! That's my line! What the heck are you doing here?"  
  
"Looking for the Silver Imperium Crystal," said the boy with a shrug as he dropped the dead bird on the ground in disgust after realizing his mistake.   
  
"You know about that?" said the pigtailed girl in surprise.  
  
"Yeah, with an engagement ring like that there's no way Shampoo will turn me down!" said Mousse dramatically to a fern.  
  
"Whatever, it'll take a lot more than a big ring to get her to marry you duck boy."  
  
Mousse suddenly became very serious. "I know that, something inside me is telling me to search for it. I think I can fix my eyes if I get my hands on it."  
  
Ranma paused and looked at him. "What about our curses?"  
  
"It's possible, know this Saotome, if I get my hands on it you'll never find it again!"   
  
Ranma clenched her fists and growled. "You've got to get to it first duck boy."  
  
  
  
Genma pulled her aside by her arm ending the conversation with the tuxedo clad Mousse. "Come on boy."  
  
"Where the heck are we goin?" snapped Ranma.  
  
"We've got to find you some hot water before the princess shows up! I want you to stay with her tonight and let her know that you'll protect her with your life...for the rest of your life!"  
  
"What?" said Ranma in confusion.  
  
"It's just a figure of speech boy! I said the same thing to your mother when I met her!" whispered Genma.  
  
"Oh, I guess that's ok then," replied Ranma obliviously.  
  
"SAOTOME!" said a familiar voice from behind them. "What was that you wanted him to say to her?"  
  
"Uhh, relax Tendo. I just wanted him to make her feel safe..."  
  
  
  
Ranma scurried away from the scene as Soun pulled her father off to the side for a 'little talk between men'. She froze when a familiar face was looking her up and down.  
  
"Well, if it isn't the little pigtailed hussy. Working security like a good little peasant?" Kodachi Kuno emerged from the crowd with a self-righteous smirk on her face.  
  
"What the heck are you doing here?"   
  
"What? Me miss the social event of the year? I think not! The Kuno reputation would not suffer such a slight!" She gave the girl an appraising gaze and noticed that she was looking around nervously. "Don't worry little girl. My brother is not in attendance, he finds such matters rather mundane."  
  
Ranma relaxed visibly and turned on her heels. "Well, see ya."  
  
"Scurry off to the corner like a good little trollop! Ho ho ho ho ho ho ho!"  
  
  
  
Princess D looked around the room and noticed the tall and rather handsome man standing in front of her. "You there, take me to my room. I'll get lost otherwise."  
  
Pantyhose Nephrite turned slowly around and smiled. Under the young girl's arm was a large box. "Huh huh."  
  
  
  
  
Moments later the party was disrupted as Pantyhose charged through the room with the box under his arm. "Out of my way!" he screamed as he knocked several partygoers aside easily.  
  
"Hey! You jerk!" snapped Ranma as she rushed to intercept him. The odd thing was, instead of running to the window where he could easily escape, he charged for the champagne table.  
  
She caught up with him just as he reached it. Pantyhose slammed into the table sending drinks in every direction. He was covered in alcohol and turned to face his pursuers.   
  
"Son, I leave this to you!" cried Soun as he and Genma turned away from their intercept path as the man started to grow extremely large.  
  
"Stupid jerks!" screamed Ranma as she jumped towards the thing that Pantyhose had become. It was a huge minator like creature with wings on its back and an eel for a tail. She found herself knocked out of the air easily by a simple swipe of its massive hand. She sailed over the balcony and attempted to right herself in midair, she wobbled slightly as she tried to shake off the blow before she landed.  
  
Ranma blinked in surprise after she corrected her decent and found herself wrapped in lengths of chain and ropes. "Mousse?"  
  
The boy stood looking down at her with a smirk on his face. "Hurry up and get back up here! He's getting away!"  
  
"So stop him idiot!" snapped Ranma as she climbed back up from the tangle of ropes.   
  
"Hurry up and change! He's too strong for you to fight as you are!" cried Luna from the two-way watch.  
  
As much as Ranma hated to admit it, she was right. "Moon Prism Power Makeup!"  
  
  
  
Pantyhose paused as something flashed on the other side of the balcony. Moments later a strange figure stood on the rails with her fists at her sides. "I'll make you pay for making me wear this getup!"   
  
The tiara on her forehead glowed for a moment causing the beast to shrink back. Ranma shook her head for a moment and noticed a nearby mirror.  
  
The beast chuckled to itself and spread it's wings to fly away. It paused however when it realized that it could not move them. Nearby Mousse stood with a smile on his face and several lengths of rope tied to the thing's wings.  
  
"Huh?" The pigtailed girl saw that the design of her tiara had changed. A large crystal sat in the center. She jumped back to the ground and realized that the monster was ignoring her and had managed to get the ropes off its back. Mousse had vanished, and the beast was casually draining the guests of their energy.  
  
Kodachi stood nearby in her own senshi uniform and was blasting at it with fire unsuccessfully. "Aku Ryo Tai San!"   
  
The beast easily sidestepped the attack. It turned and glared at her for a moment and she stepped back nervously. "Foul creature! How dare you ruin such an event as this! Sailor Mars shall punish you! Ho ho ho ho ho ho!" A whip of flames erupted from her hands and she slashed down forcing Pantyhose to step back and stop draining the guests of their energy.  
  
"Keep him busy!" cried Ranma as she jumped up and kicked the thing in the face. It brushed the attack off as if it was nothing and snorted in disgust.  
  
"Take this beast!" cried Kodachi as she slammed the whip into Ranma in what looked like an attempt to attack the creature again.  
  
"Hey! Watch it! You're supposed to be helping me!" Ranma didn't realize that Kodachi was referring to her when she said 'beast'.  
  
"Ho ho ho ho ho ho! Foolish girl! You should know better than that! I Kodachi Kuno shall free my darling Ranma from your evil grip! You are a beast as evil as this one!" She pointed at Nephrite and the thing narrowed its eyes at her.  
  
"Brother!" muttered Ranma as she dodged another snap of the whip and rolled away with Pantyhose hot on her heels. Both of them looked at the insane girl nervously as she lashed the whip around the room indiscriminately.  
  
Finally Pantyhose snorted again and lifted up a large statue over his head. Kodachi was gleefully laughing and slashing at guests while pretending to attack the monster. After all, there were several young girls who dared to buy a better dress than hers for the occasion. She couldn't stand for such insubordination.   
  
After a moment of staring at the scene in dumbfounded wonder, Pantyhose tossed the statue catching Kodachi directly in the head. She crumpled to the floor unconscious.  
  
"Well, that's the end of that," muttered Ranma lazily. She jumped away as Pantyhose's fist slammed into the ground where she stood.  
  
"Hey, I almost forgot about him," thought Ranma as she leapt away from the destructive beast nimbly. She scooped up the still sleeping princess from the ground as the monster came close to crushing her. Unfortunately she also noticed that she had run into a corner in doing that.  
  
"Uh oh," said Ranma out loud as she spun around to face the beast and gently put the young girl down behind her.  
  
"Bu fu," chuckled Nephrite as he closed in on her.  
  
Ranma looked up and around for an escape and found none that would save herself and the princess. Pantyhose punched her in the stomach and lifted her into the air throwing her over it's head and away. She landed near the balcony again.  
  
The pigtailed girl wavered as she stood up again and took up a martial arts stance. "Ok you stupid cow! Let's go!" The pair circled each other several times looking for an opening.  
  
"Sailor Ranmoon! Use your tiara!" cried Luna from the other end of the watch radio.  
  
"Hey! Ugly!" the pigtailed girl adjusted the large crystal and it caught a moonbeam and shined it into the creature's eyes.  
  
Pantyhose roared in rage and pain at the sheer amount of light that was forced into his pupils. He dropped the treasure and backed over the edge of the balcony falling over the edge.   
  
The pigtailed magical girl rushed over to the edge and glanced around in search of her opponent. All that she saw was a small teakettle resting in the middle of the ground. Nothing but bushes and shadows could be seen other than that.  
  
"Hey, I did it," commented Ranma lazily.  
  
  
  
The crowd slowly began to recover and Ranma backed away into the shadows. Princess D stood groggily and glanced around for a moment.  
  
The princess stood up and blinked. "Where are my glasses?" she muttered and felt around on the ground. Unfortunately they were on the other side of the room as Ranma had carried her quite a ways away from where she had originally passed out in order to keep Pantyhose from crushing her.  
  
Genma blinked from his spot on the sidelines and sneaked over to where Pantyhose had dropped the treasure. He tucked it under his arm and turned towards the balcony.  
  
Unfortunately he tripped as he neared the edge and fell flat on his face. After a moment he glanced up and saw his son in male form with his foot extended out at his feet.  
  
"Where do you think you're goin with that old man?"  
  
"Curse you boy! Show some respect to your father!" snapped Genma as he tried to rush off again.  
  
Ranma merely grabbed him on the back of his dogi and tossed him over his shoulder into the surviving punch bowl. A large, wet, and red stained panda sat up and glared at him. The pigtailed boy merely twirled the small treasure chest on his finger and turned back towards Princess D. Genma blinked and pat down his fur, he hadn't even seen the boy take it.  
  
The girl was still searching for her glasses when someone placed them in her hand. She looked up at the boy in gratitude, her face was beautiful; amazingly well hidden by the glasses. Unfortunately, the beauty was lost on this boy.  
  
She focused her lenses and saw a teenager with glasses thicker than hers resting on his face, he was dressed in Chinese clothes and had long dark hair. "Here, I know what that can be like." With that said he turned away and vanished into the shadows.  
  
Ranma jogged up to her and handed her the box. "Here you go, safe and sound just like we promised." The boy paused and looked at the lenses. "Hmm, I wonder if she's related to Mousse or something," he thought privately.  
  
"I guess we might as well unveil this thing now," she commented as she accepted it.  
  
Genma appeared nearby all of a sudden and scowled. Until she pulled out a statue of her mother made out of diamond. He got a sick look on his face and sighed. "No real loss there I suppose."  
  
"Well Tendo, I guess we can go home now."  
  
"Quite so Saotome."  
  
  
  
  
About an hour later at the Tendo home...  
  
"Ranma! How dare you let a girl beat us to that! We didn't even get paid because she meddled in our business!" cried Genma angrily.  
  
"They didn't pay you because you ran away old fool!" retorted the boy. "Besides, I got paid."  
  
"Show your father some respect and lend your old man a few yen!" cried Genma bitterly as he kicked Ranma into the yard for a sparing session.  
  
"Heck no old man!" retorted the boy angrily as he leapt into the air to meet him. "I got debts I got to pay off with that!"  
  
Nabiki smirked to herself at that comment and said nothing.  
  
"Boy, I'm glad I decided to stay home," grumbled Akane to herself.  
  
"I think it would have been quite entertaining," commented Nabiki lazily. She gave Kasumi a knowing wink and turned back to the television again.  
  
Luna sat on the windowsill and watched the family carefully. "Tuxedo Mousse? Who is he? Is he the enemy also? We need to find out what he wants." She jumped away and disappeared into the night.  
  
Sailor Ranmoon.  
  
Part 5  
  
Sailor Jupiter!  
  
  
Ranma glanced around; a thick fog was surrounding him as he stood in the center of a field. He paused as he heard his name called from somewhere in the distance. "Who the?" After a moment he paused and looked down at himself, he was in his cursed form and wearing a long flowing gown. "What the heck?"  
  
In the distance, still shrouded in fog, a lone figure seemed to be calling to her. She paused as he tried to make out the features on the person and squinted her eyes. The figure stopped and fell to the ground on his knees.  
  
A moment later the figure was holding a bush in his hands shaking it vigorously and screaming his name.  
  
Ranma felt an unfamiliar pang of irritation with the boy in the distance. "That dope! He's done it again." She blinked at the unfamiliar reaction and shook her head. She stepped towards the shadowy figure and called out to him, "Hey, I'm over here! What the heck do you want jerk?"  
  
The figure looked up as if he had heard and stood moving slowly towards her.   
  
  
Ranma sat up in bed and spit out a mouth full of water as his father woke him up. "Get up boy, we have to train."  
  
"You stupid old man! You didn't have to wake me up that way!" snapped the now female Saotome.  
  
"Take it like a man son!" retorted Genma as he blocked a kick and jumped out the window of the room into the Tendo yard.  
  
  
A short time later...  
  
"Ranma, about this Tuxedo Mousse character," said Luna from the radio watches.  
  
"What about him?" snorted the boy in disinterest.  
  
"I don't see what the big deal about him is," said Akane from her spot beside him on the sidewalk as the pair walked to school together.  
  
"We don't know anything about him, you should avoid him," warned the cat.  
  
"You mean Mousse? He's just some stupid jerk that followed Shampoo back from China," said the pigtailed boy indifferently.   
  
"You mean...you do know about him?" said the cat in shock.  
  
"Yeah, so?"  
  
"Why didn't you say so sooner! Do you know what he wants?" said the animal excitedly.  
  
"He wants to find the crystal too, he thinks it can cure a Jusenkyo curse," said Ranma. He paused and looked behind him to find Akane had froze in her tracks with a look of shock on her face.  
  
"Ranma, you don't think that Tuxedo Mousse is really...Mousse do you?" she had a skeptical look on her face.  
  
"Of course he's Mousse! You don't really think he's disguised just cause he dresses up a little do you?" said the boy in reply.  
  
"But, that's impossible. I mean, he's Mousse! He can't be Tuxedo Mousse!" cried the girl in denial.  
  
Ranma shook his head and continued towards the school. Akane glared at his back. "He's wrong, there's no way Mousse is that handsome and mysterious. I mean, he's -Mousse- for God's sake!"  
  
Luna was remarkably silent throughout the conversation up until this point. "We can't let him get his hands on the Silver Impirum Crystal!"  
  
"Yeah, I know. That jerk would keep the cure to himself if he got his hands on it!" said Ranma a little bitterly.  
  
"Ranma, we have to protect the princess! We can't let him get his hands on that crystal! He has no idea how powerful it is!"  
  
"Whatever, I'll beat that jerk! I always do," said Ranma confidently.  
  
  
  
  
Akane started walking after Ranma was well out of sight. She paused when a pair of familiar voices called her name from behind.  
  
Yuka and Sayuri, Akane's two friends from school caught up with her as she turned.   
  
"Hey Akane! How's it going?" said Yuka cheerfully.  
  
"All right I guess," replied Akane absently.  
  
"Where's Ranma?" inquired Sayuri.  
  
"That dope went on ahead," snorted Akane as she realized she was alone. She wasn't too angry at the moment though.  
  
Yuka paused and looked at where they were standing. "You looking at wedding dresses Akane?"  
  
The girl turned and noticed where she was standing and blushed. She had stopped in front of a bridal shop; several mannequins were displayed in a window wearing long flowing dresses.  
  
"No I wasn't," replied the girl sharply.  
  
"Wow, you're so lucky Akane! You get to be a bride soon, wearing a fancy dress! It's almost like a fairy tale!" said Sayuri.  
  
"Huh?" said Akane in confusion.  
  
"She's right Akane, it's so romantic that you're engaged to Ranma!" squealed Yuka girlishly.   
  
"I wanna be a bride!" cried both girls in unison.  
  
Akane just scowled. "We're gonna be late for class."  
  
  
  
  
  
Lunchtime, at Furinkan...  
  
Shampoo jumped over the fence and giggled to herself as she held the box high over her head. "Ranma love Shampoo ramen! Is special made just for Airen!"  
  
She bounded through the schoolyard and waved as she came within sight of the boy. He was resting peacefully against a tree.   
  
Unbeknownst to him, his peace was about to be destroyed completely. "Airen!"  
  
The pigtailed boy lifted his head at the familiar voice and paused as yet another familiar sound came immediately afterwards.  
  
"Ranchan!"  
  
"Uh oh."  
  
When both girls tried to feed him at the same time, things never went well. He hated to admit it, but the taste of Ramen and Okonomiyaki in his mouth at the same time wasn't a very pleasant one. He had been forced to endure in order to keep from hurting the girls' feelings. Unfortunately a fight still broke out, usually with him in the middle whenever these two girls decided to cook for him at the same time. It happened with uncomfortable frequency.  
  
Realizing that their target was the same Ukyo and Shampoo faced off. The Amazon smirked confidently and Ukyo scowled and pulled her battle spatula off of her back.  
  
"Spatula girl no get in Shampoo way! She bring Airen lunch!"  
  
"No way sugar! Ranma is gonna eat my Okonomiyaki!"  
  
"Eat Shampoo Ramen!" cried Shampoo.  
  
"No way! I say he's gonna eat my Okonomiyaki!" retorted Ukyo.  
  
"Well Ranma?" both girls said this at the same time.   
  
"Airen must decide to eat Shampoo ramen now!"  
  
"Nuh-uh! You'd better decide to eat my Okonomiyaki Ranchan!"  
  
They turned to see the boy sitting against the tree still with an empty bowl and a few crumbs of crust around his mouth.  
  
"What?"  
  
  
  
  
A short time later, after school was out...  
  
  
Ukyo Kuonji walked alone towards her restaurant and sighed. The fight with Shampoo was short lived as neither of them was sure whose food he had eaten first. The heat wore off and Shampoo had other deliveries to make so they dispersed relatively quickly.  
She paused outside a familiar shop just as she did many times before.   
  
The mannequin stared back at her vacantly. "One day Ranchan, I'll be wearing one of those. I'll be standing next to you at the altar..." A blush formed on her face as she looked into the shop. "I can't wait to be a bride!" she sighed heavily and had a rather contented look on her face.  
  
  
  
"Say, isn't that Ukyo?" asked Akane as she walked with her fiancée towards their home.  
  
"Yeah, what she doing looking at the men's formal wear store that way?"  
  
"I dunno, it's right across the street from that bridal shop though," noted Akane.  
  
Ranma grew strangely silent at that moment and looked upwards with a slight blush. "Better not let pop catch us near that place."  
  
"You're right, let's go talk to her," said Akane cheerfully.  
  
Ranma was already walking towards her. "Hey Ucchan! What's up?"  
  
  
  
  
"Ranchan! What are you doing here?" said Ukyo as she turned and faced him. She had a guilty look on her face and she turned away as if she hadn't been looking in the store at all.   
  
A strange laugh suddenly filled the air and the girls spun around to see something rather odd. A snowman with a palm tree stuck in his head bounced down the street towards them from an alleyway.  
  
"Ha ha ha ha ha! You best be stayin away from that store brudda! Is very haunted de say!"  
  
The two girls and one pigtailed martial artist just continued to stare as the thing bounced around excitedly.  
  
The snowman continued to tell his story as if he had been answered. "Das right Keiki! Haunted by a ghost! De say dat dis mannequin be floatin around dis here store! She be seducin da kahunas! Is very bad karma, so you stay away now!"  
  
The girls and one pigtailed martial artist continued to stare as the thing bounced away.  
  
"Dat was pretty good story I made up for da keki! De be real scared of me now! De is paralyzed wit fear! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!" said the snowman to itself.  
  
After a long moment of silence the group simply stood unmoving from the first appearance of the snowman. Finally, Ranma spoke up.  
  
"What the hell was that!?"  
  
"Uh, a snowman?" said Akane nervously.  
  
"In the spring?" said Ukyo as she looked back at her.  
  
Another voice stopped their peaceful trek towards their respective homes. "Ho ho ho ho ho ho ho! That foolish snowman! Trying to frighten young girls that way! Only some simpletons such as Ukyo Kuonji and Akane Tendo would be so simple minded as to believe such a fantastical story! But still, such a tragedy does bear some looking into! I the mighty Black Rose of Mars shall investigate this tonight!" She spun her ribbon sending rose petals in every direction and disappeared into the mass of flowers.  
  
"Hey!" snapped Akane as she realized she had been insulted.  
  
"She's nuts!" snorted Ranma.  
  
"Never the less, she is right. We need to look into that story," said Luna from the watch radio.  
  
"Did your watch just talk Ranchan?" said Ukyo in surprise.  
  
"Uh, no! It's just the alarm!" said the boy nervously.  
  
"Oh, that's a strange alarm," commented the Okonomiyaki chef as she turned away and started home again finally.  
  
  
  
  
Nearby Pantyhose Nephrite stood watching the scene with a smirk on his face. "An interesting idea, I'll have to thank that snowman before I kill him."  
  
  
  
Andy stepped out of the arcade. It had been a long day and he enjoyed his job there. He always had time to stop and talk to the cute girls that came there. Things had picked up a bit recently though. The red haired girl and her friends had started coming to the arcade recently. He had heard rumors about Furninkan girls but had discounted them. Now he knew most of it was true, he was a bit wary of finding out if they were as dangerous as they were said to be.   
He sighed and locked the doors behind him. Only the shorthaired girl actually played the games while she was there. The red head and the girl with long dark hair mostly sat in the back and scowled at each other distastefully. It was odd, they acted like they hated each other all the time, but they spent so much time there talking with the short haired girl in the corner.   
After their meetings the dark haired girl would leave, making a huge mess of the floor in the process, which he also had to clean up. Then the redhead would stick around until the shorthaired girl was finished playing her game. They would always leave together.  
"I wonder if they're..." he shook his head and rubbed the base of his nose as if to make sure it wasn't bleeding on his shirt. "No! Stop thinking that way! You'll only get yourself into trouble!"  
  
A girlish and haunting laugh stopped him in his tracks. It wasn't an unpleasant sound, but it was kind of spooky. "Who?"  
  
A ghostly white figure floated down towards him and he paused staring into its eyes without even thinking about it. Unfortunately that was a mistake.  
  
  
  
Nephrite smirked as he watched nearby, this plan was going better than he had thought. "Huh, I'll have those idiot sailor brats here soon enough."  
  
About an hour later...  
  
Ukyo rounded the corner with a bag of groceries in her arm. She had to shut down early because her supplies on a few important ingredients had gotten low. Something rather odd met her gaze when she turned the corner. A ghostly figure of a woman floated down to meet her in the street.  
  
"What the hell do you want?" said Ukyo flatly.  
  
The figure paused, as if uncertain about what to do. Her beauty would have seemed like the ideal woman for any man that should pass by. "Don't you think I'm beautiful!? I've been watching you from afar! Say you'll marry me!" This boy seemed like a tough kid, they always seemed to go for the demure type...  
  
  
Nephrite couldn't believe his eyes. His perfect plan was already crumbling. "What's wrong with this guy!? She's supposed to look like a gorgeous babe!"  
  
  
  
Ukyo was having troubles of her own. "Oh shit! Not this again!" she thought desperately as she backed into a wall. She was never quite sure what to do when this happened to her, and it had, several times in her past. "Uhh, look...I don't think this is going to work out sugar..."  
  
The ghost woman blinked and looked at her. "Can she see through the illusion?" Unfortunately for her another cry broke the silence.  
  
"Get away from my beautiful Shampoo Saotome!" hundreds of sharp objects slammed into the ground around Ukyo forcing her to dodge through the resulting mess of chains and rope.  
  
"Who are you calling Shampoo?" snapped Ukyo as she pulled the battle spatula off her back. She blinked and saw the figure standing before her, her jaw dropped in shock.  
  
"Heh, I must apologize for my manners, but I cannot allow this deception to continue!" said Tuxedo Mousse angrily. "Evil demon! I shall take the Silver Imperium Crystal from you!"  
  
"Hey, you are kind of cute," commented Ukyo as she noticed the boy standing between the bride and herself. That was when she realized that he was pointing at her.  
  
"Hey! The demon is over there you dope!" snapped Ukyo!  
  
Another familiar cry tore through the already noisy, supposed, silence.   
  
"Ranma you jerk!" cried a feminine voice.  
  
The pigtailed girl in question landed head first on the monster's noggin sending her to the floor before she could regain her senses enough to argue with Mousse and Ukyo.  
  
"Stupid Akane, it's not my fault the wind blew her stupid dress up!" she grumbled as she dusted herself off. She blinked when she saw the girl dressed in the wedding gown. "Oh man! Pop's done it again!"  
  
"Ranma! Who the hell is that?" snarled Akane in her Mercury costume. She stood angrily over the boy.  
  
"How the heck should I know?" retorted the boy nervously.  
  
"Take a cold shower!" snapped Akane as she threw out her hand and blasted the pigtailed girl in the chest with a large number of...bubbles.  
  
"Hey! That's cold!" snapped Ranma angrily as she jumped away from the jet of wetness. "Moon Prism Power Makeup! Ha! Now you can't get me with that lame attack!"   
  
Ukyo froze in place as the two teens fought among each other. "Ranma is...Sailor Ranmoon?"  
  
  
  
The creature shook its head as it woke from its forced nap. "I'll destroy them all!"  
  
OF course, even the best laid plans are laid to waste. How much chance do you think something like a spur of the moment plan has?  
  
"Ho ho ho ho ho ho ho! Evil creature who uses her body to seduce men! To think that you would use a virgin image to sway them from their purity! I shall punish you in my high heels!" Black rose petals began to float around the air as Sailor Mars made her appearance.  
  
Ranma and Akane looked up and took notice of the girl.  
  
"Pigtailed harlot! I shall punish you!" cried Sailor Mars angrily as she snapped the flame whip that appeared in her hands at Ranma. The monster fell out of its defensive stance and fell face first into the ground.  
  
Ukyo had just about all she could take. "Hey! Nobody talks to my Ranchan that way!" Thunder rumbled in the sky in the distance.  
  
Nephrite looked up warily and swallowed. "To think, my plan ruined by a gay guy!" The lightning bolt that struck the ground nearby wasn't helping matters much either.  
  
"My protector Jupiter! I call upon your power! Lightning shower down!" screamed the Okonomiyaki chef as she called forth her senshi powers and fried everyone who was fighting nearby. Nephrite included.  
  
  
  
Ranma paused as she stood up and saw Kodachi and Akane lying on the ground dazed nearby. She shook her head and noticed his childhood friend was wearing a green senshi uniform. "Ukyo... you're one of us?"  
  
"That's great!" muttered Akane bitterly.  
  
"Are you guys forming some sort of fiancée club?" said Ukyo in confusion.  
  
A small cat that rounded the corner answered her question with a stern look on its face.  
  
"No, we are the defenders of light and justice. The Sailor Scouts, and you are Sailor Jupiter."  
  
"Sailor Jupiter?" said Ukyo in shock. She was still having trouble comprehending what had just happened to her.  
  
The cat looked at Ranma and the girl backed away nervously. "Don't come any closer!"  
  
The cat shook her head and dropped a small scepter with a crescent moon on the tip. "Ranma Saotome, you are Sailor Moon. The leader, it's your mission to find the princess and protect her. Only you can do it!"  
  
"Ya think I don't know that?" snapped Ranma, of course, Akane promptly kicked him in the face.  
  
"Dope! Does he even realize he's insulting us?"  
  
"He did have that one coming," agreed Ukyo.  
  
  
Tuxedo Mousse was standing silently nearby. He had saved the girl in time for her powers to be released and there was no need for him to stay since the crystal wasn't present. Still, for some strange reason he wanted to stay just a little bit longer. He paused and looked over at Ranma with a small frown. The pigtailed girl returned his gaze and then went back to paying attention to his current situation with Ukyo. Fortunately Kodachi was still out.  
With that small exchange done he whirled around and vanished into the night.  
  
  
  
Pantyhose Taro stood in front of Happosai with tendrils of smoke rising from his body. He was currently in his transformed state and was glaring angrily at the old lecher.   
  
"You quit too?" said Happy cheerfully.  
  
The bull like creature nodded its head and growled.  
  
"Oh, off with ya then!" said the old man cheerfully.  
  
"First I'm gonna pound you into changing my name!" said Taro's Genma-esque sign.   
  
Within moments a large beast flew out of the window of the dark castle and sailed across the Negaverse sky. "Ingrate," muttered Happosai. He did realize that he hadn't seen the last of him.  
  
"He was incompetent anyway," snorted an unfamiliar voice.  
  
Herb turned from where he was watching and smiled. "You think you can do better Kumon?"  
  
"Bah, I know I could," replied the boy who appeared from the shadows. He was dressed in the same uniform as the others, but his pants were loose fitting camouflage. "That dope never used his head to begin with."  
  
"I suppose you will?" asked Herb quietly.  
  
"We'll see," agreed Ryu as he turned away.  
  
Happosai was merely standing over his crystal ball with that strange and disturbing red glow in his eyes. "I must get pantie...I mean the Silver Imperium Crystal! I must have those silky dar...er...that power now! I can't wait for this evening so I can...I mean...till I finally get it." Eventually he just gave up on his evil monologue and merely waved his hands over the crystal dramatically.  
  
End vol. 1.  
  
  
  
  
  



End file.
